Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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