I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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