i permit you to call me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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