What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
