So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
