just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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