remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
