i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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