I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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