Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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