Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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