Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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