Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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