i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
