Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
