Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
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Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wear drunk well.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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