tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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