i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
