Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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