True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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