Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
