I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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