Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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