We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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