he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
