One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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