Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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