omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
