He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
