i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
