Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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