So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
