nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
