I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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