i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
