Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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