stop calling my apartment porn island.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
