its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
