So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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