Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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