if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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