Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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