Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
