apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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