$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
