y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pants are for mortals
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
