Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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