She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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