If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
