i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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