True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
