Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize