i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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