Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
