Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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