I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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