It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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