my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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