Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
