you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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