i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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