Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
