If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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