my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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