Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
of course. lets lasso hookers.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
