took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize