How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
