I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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