When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
