I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
