Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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