Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The adults are the big ones right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
