They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
