apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
