It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
