I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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