My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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