All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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