You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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