So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's Friday. Sex?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
